Sutra, Tantra and Ati

After enduring weeks (and maybe months) of crushing depression, probably triggered by the absence of any intelligence whatsoever in mainstream America, there's a sudden lifting. Moments of unexpected beauty and perfectness. How does this happen? And it disappears the moment I try to hold on or try to artificially recreate it. And again, when the darkness descends and I stumble around, there's that moment of unparalleled perfection again. Why does no one speak of this? Surely, the very essence of sanity lies in these moments.